Human Feelings
by Darthrose
Summary: The true hearts, past, present and weaknesses of three Shinshou, Rikugou, Seiryuu and Guren are revealed, showing that love can't always conquer all. Unique but similar in many ways, the great Shinshou are just as human as anyone else. Three OCXShinshou
1. Chapter 1

**H U M A N F E E L I N G S**

**A/N: I read through this and decided to edit it somewhat. Oh, and this isn't a yaoi story. It's about three different stories sort of branching off from each other about Rikugou's past, Seiryuu's past and Guren/Touda's (not so distant) past with three different OC's.**

* * *

The early morning sun shone shining upon the dew drops causing them to sparkle like precious gems in the light. A light mist had descended upon medieval Japan but the sun would soon be able to disperse the fog with its bright rays. It was a new day, a new start. A time to look towards the future, yet one person in particular was still living in the past.

Yes, that person was I, Rikugou of the 12 Shinshou. Sitting at the bank of the pond in the noble house of Abe no Seimei, I gazed of into space, musing about my past. The other Shinshou were careful not to disturb me in my time of silence. A silence filled with bitter remorse and regret.

_The day it all happened was just as beautiful as this one..._

Passing by in the early morning were Seimei's grandson, Masahiro, and Touda who was in the current form of what seemed to be a mutated rabbit with a red gem studded necklace. I always wondered why he wouldn't remain in his godlike form which resembled the rest of us. Maybe it was because he wanted to be distinguishable amongst the rest of us. Or maybe it was because he wanted to show his loyalty towards his new master, Masahiro, by taking whatever form that would please him the best. Oh well. Whatever that red head wanted to do was his own choice. Though… The pet name that Seimei's grandson continues to call him keeps escaping me.

_What a laugh... _

Masahiro who had noticed me sitting in complete silence wondered what I was doing alone, gazing off into space. He could obviously make out the look of bitterness coupled with pain etched onto my features. Touda watched me with his crimson red eyes as he thought to himself, _'So it's that time again huh...'_ A momentary look of anguish crossed his face, but it quickly disappeared when his master turned to look at him. In a lowered voice, hoping that I wouldn't be able to catch wind of what he was talking about, the boy spoke to his loyal Shinshou, "Hey Mokun..."

_So that's it, Mokun... _

"What's Rikugou doing here?" he asked inquisitively as he motioned to where I was at. This caused Touda to flinch slightly before averting his gaze. "I don't know what you're talking about," he responded in that manner just to avoid the question. Masahiro couldn't help but give Touda a confused expression. Usually his friend would just tell him anything he asked. Maybe it just wasn't his place to say. Simply rolling his shoulders, the young boy made his way towards my still figure, deciding to ask me what was wrong. "H-hey! Come back!" hissed Touda, but it was too late. Masahiro was standing beside me.

"Hey, Rikugou, what are you doing here?" he asked, leaning forward slightly only to notice that I wasn't paying any attention to him for I was too deep in thought. If it were possible, the water would have evaporated under my intense gaze by now. Subconsciously, I let out a sigh and Masahiro could've sworn he heard the words 'Miyuki' escape my lips.

Now feeling more befuddled than before, Masahiro asked a question that struck up some unwanted emotions. Just by uttering a name which hadn't been spoken in this household for almost ten years now, caused my heart to bleed.

"Rikugou, who is Miyuki?"

The name immediately snapped me out of my thoughts and I glared mercilessly upon Seimei's successor. But my glare did not move him in the slightest. How strange. Finally, I spoke in a strained tone, "It's none of your business... Seimei's grandson." I added the last bit for I knew it would definitely tick Masahiro off. "Don't call me that," he said in slight annoyance as he turned to leave.

_It seems the boy has gotten slightly used to the nickname now... how sad..._

Just as Masahiro was about to reach a rather sullen Touda, he stopped walking causing the Shinshou to flinch slightly. Masahiro then spoke in a much softer, gentler tone, "There are some things in life that people just can't talk about. But there are also other some things in life that no matter how painful and hard to discuss, will lift the weight off your shoulders if you do so." Neither one of us turned to face the other while Touda continued to watch from the side lines, worried about the outcome of Masahiro's words.

Finally, the young master decided it was time to leave. I didn't bother to turn and watch the boy leave with his companion to find that princess of his.

_Princess..._

Ah yes, I too used to have someone I called princess. She should be twenty-four years old by now, if she's still alive that is... So I guess it has been ten years since I'd last saw her. '_Ten years... has it really been that long...?_' I wondered to myself as memories started to flood back. Back ten years, a few days before what happened, happened. I can still remember every detail of that day, very vividly. How she looked like, what she wore, where she even stood, every minor detail I didn't notice before were all burnt into my mind like an irremovable tattoo. I shook my head a few times. I didn't want to remember the past. I didn't want to remember the pain of losing _her_. And yet, I did. And yet, no matter how hard I tried to fight back, it all came flooding back to my mind as if it only happened yesterday.

۞۞۞

**Ten years ago...**

_As I l__eaned casually on one of the walls in the living room, I waited patiently for my mistress to enter the sliding door. The sunlight which streamed through the open windows, bouncing off random materials caused the room to light up in a dazzling array of colors. The smell of the fresh air was worth to kill for and the songs of the tropical birds would have been the first things a dying man would wish to hear._

"_Good morning Princess, you look lovely today," I complimented my fourteen year old princess with a kind smile as she gracefully strolled into the room wearing a floral patterned kimono. Her long, chocolate brown hair was let down, reaching her waist while her fringe had been pushed behind her ears. At the end of her hair was clasped together by a silver hair accessory-- Her hair style was similar to my current one except in the past I wore nothing in my short hair. _

_I had taken care of Miyuki ever since her mother had passed away after giving birth to both Miyuki, and her twin sister, Kiyoko. She was the very first granddaughter of Abe no Seimei. Her only flaw was the fact that she was visually impaired. So much so, that she felt like she was looking through a straw. And so, I was her eyes; describing everything down to the very last detail. Despite this flaw, she was treasured just as much as her younger twin, maybe, even more for her life held much more promise than that of her sister's for Kiyoko's life was coming to an end soon. _

_Miyuki would soon be turning fourteen, the proper marital age, and was betrothed to the Mikado's eldest son who was a whole ten years older than her. _

_I could see her force a smile onto her face as she greeted me with a good morning and thanked me for the compliment. Seimei and her father were out readying the preparations for the wedding. Her younger sister was fast sleeping in her room, watching over her was her guardian Shinshou, Seiryuu. Knowing he was the one taking care of her, everyone could relax._

"_What's wrong, Princess?" I asked as I walked over to her. She then looked up at me with those beautiful amber eyes which seemed to sparkle in the light and asked with all her innocence, "Do you think I should get married, Saiki?" The fact that she called me by the name given to me by Seimei caused me to stiffen slightly. I had told her my name once, but that was when she was a mere babe. It shocked me that she actually remembered it._

_I was silent for a moment as if in thought. But there wasn't much to think about. It wasn't a hard question actually. My answer was no. I didn't want her to get married to the Mikado's son. I didn't want to let my princess leave my protection at all. If I could, I would protect her for as long as her mortal life allowed her to live. It was a silly little desire of mine ever since I saw how fragile and small her inner self really was. What I was seeing now was her outer character, a strong, elegant and brave young woman. I then realized I was silent for too long before I coughed into my closed fist. _

_As I returned her gaze, I then said, "Well, you are almost to come of age soon. It's only right for you to get married." For a second, I could have sworn I saw a glint of sadness in her eyes as the sparkle in them seemed to die slightly. _

_Did I say something wrong?_

"_Is something the matter, Princess?" I asked as I reached out to touch her silky soft cheek, but I held back. She was going to get married soon, such contact was strictly forbidden. Just like it was strictly forbidden for me, a Shinshou, to fall in love with the girl I was sworn to protect. _

_She simply shook her head gently and smiled up at me. Although she was tall for a female her age, she was only up till my shoulder. "I'm fine Rikugou, really," as she spoke she gave me a reassuring smile. Although I wanted to hold her, to tell her I loved her like so many times I had wished to do so before, I didn't. It was against all my teachings as a Shinshou._

_At the corner of the room a figure started to shimmer into being. It was Kouchin, one of the three female Shinshou who was ranked second strongest amongst the twelve in attack power. "Miyuki, your grandfather, Seimei, had asked me to bring you to the palace to meet with the Mikado's son," she said, bowing slightly as an apology for her sudden intrusion. "Oh! Ok, I'll ask Tenitsu to help me prepare. I'll be back in a minute!" Miyuki then bowed politely towards Kouchin and me before she disappeared from the room to prepare._

_I simply watched her leave with Tenitsu guiding her by the hand and stared at the door for awhile, not moving from my spot. That was until I realized Kouchin had been watching my actions the entire time, especially, where I was staring at. I quickly averted my gaze from the door towards her and showed her my usual deadpan stare which I had spent decades to perfect. In a blizzard cold tone I asked, "What are you looking at Kouchin?" _

_She couldn't help but smile slightly, as if she were very much amused by my behavior. But finally, the raven haired female shook her head before saying, "Oh, nothing.... You know Rikugou; you should stop calling her 'Princess'. Just call her Miyuki like the rest of us." _

"_It's a habit," I simply stated as if it were fact, not fiction. Truthfully, I did want to call her Miyuki like everyone else, but I have been calling her 'Princess' all my life. The sudden change of name would be strange in my mouth and it would most probably make others think about what was not true, right? Kouchin simply smirked and shrugged before walking past me. "You should really tell her..." she whispered softly in my ear. Before I could ask her what she meant, she had disappeared back to the realm of the 12 Shinshou. _

_That was... weird...._

۞۞۞

_Later that night, Miyuki was scribbling Japanese characters on a parchment paper only to shake her head, rip it to shreds or roll it into a ball before tossing it to the floor. It was almost midnight and her only source of light --even though she could hardly see-- was the candle which was starting to flicker. Darkness would soon consume the last bits of flame. Hot wax rolled down from the edges of the candle and a single droplet landed on one of Miyuki's trembling hands. Wincing slightly, she tried to shake the pain from her hand before peeling off the now dried wax. _

_I had rested my back on the wall behind Miyuki, shimmering in existence the moment I sensed her pain. With folded arms I asked her in a casual tone, trying not to sound too curious, "Princess, what are you writing? Calligraphy? At such a late hour?" _

_She simply shook her head in response, and showed me a weak smile. "It's nothing important," she said with a tired smile as she felt around for another paper which I handed to her. "Well, if it's nothing, then you should really be getting to bed now. It's late. It'll be bad if you get sick before your wedding rehearsal the day after tomorrow," I said with a sigh. Two days from now would be her wedding rehearsal and a week from then, her real wedding. I could see sadness in her eyes as she nodded, "Alright, I'll go to sleep now. You may go now." I nodded slowly, not really wanting to leave her, but feeling compelled to comply with her wishes, I soon shimmered out of existence, back to the heavenly realm of the 12 Shinshou._

_Once I was gone, Miyuki turned her head back to the next empty parchment of paper. Her trembling hand dropped the expensive, gold leaf brush, staining the beautifully decorated bamboo table with the finest black ink the merchants could sell. Tears started to fill her eyes and soon, they overflowed onto the bone white paper which soaked up the tears like a starving dog. Burrying her head into her hands, she wept silently._

_And the flame went out._

۞۞۞

_It was early the next morning and the pleasant songs of birds could be heard sung throughout Abe no Seimei's household. Grasshoppers hopped from leaf to leaf, careful to avoid any of the early morning dew. Butterflies fluttered freely in the air, seems like spring would soon arrive. The early morning rays of light broke through the upper atmosphere, lighting the low hanging clouds in a dazzling range of colors ranging from the darkest of reds to the lightest pinks. _

_Miyuki leisurely stepped out onto the patio, her skirt brushing the tips of each blade of grass which had been expertly cut to be no longer than the tips of her fingers. Seimei had even set up some spells to keep the grass from growing any longer for it was a hassle to cut it and it was too expensive to hire someone to cut all the grass. Miyuki took in a deep breath of the fresh morning air, enjoying a moment of peaceful serenity before calling for me._

_The moment Miyuki uttered my name, I was right beside her. My time was getting better and better. All I had to do was drop everything I was doing in the other realm to appear by her side. "You called, princess?" I asked, bowing slightly as if to wish her good morning. It wasn't usual that she'd call me to her, especially so early in the morning. I'd usually come to her on my own free will. _

_I couldn't help but feel a nagging suspicion in my head that told me something was wrong when she didn't respond for a few moments. Finally, she turned to face me with a smile and spoke, "I... just wanted to spend some time with you, that's all. Just like old times when we used to sit by the pond with each other." _

_I couldn't help but smile slightly, recollecting the times when I would keep her company when she was all alone while her sister was busy being taken care of. Truth be told, I'm not the best person when it comes to entertainment, but with Miyuki, it was different. She wouldn't run around like the hyperactive five year old kid she should've been, but instead, she would sit here, on my lap in complete silence as I described to her the scenery in detail. _

"_Of course, princess," I smiled. She showed me a look of slight irritation which I rarely get to see. "Miyuki," she stated firmly with her lips pressed together into a demanding pout as she placed both her hands on her slender waist line. This was surprising for she had never asked me to call her by her given name before. "Y-Yes, Pr- Miyuki," I had to quickly correct myself. Her name tasted like honey on my tongue. I had been longing to say her name for ages, but never got round to saying it, until now._

_Man this feels good._

_Now, Miyuki was sitting comfortably in between my legs as she rested her head on my chest while I had my arms wrapped protectively around her waist. Her slender hands were place on top of mine which made me relax. I gently breathed in her scent. She smelt just like fresh roses with a fruity twist in it. I didn't want this moment to end. I didn't want her to leave me. Not now, not ever. _

_A long time had passed in complete silence and soon I found myself starting to doze off with her still in my arms. Although I tried to fight the urge to sleep, I couldn't. Just having her beside me, with me in my arms was the greatest blessing in the world. I didn't want the moment to slip away while I slept. But soon, I fell into a state of unconsciousness._

_Miyuki who had been awake the entire time felt my heart rate slow and my breathing even out meaning I had fallen asleep. She remained in her position for a few more moments before gently prying my hands from her waist, placing them back onto my lap as she got up. I stirred slightly but did not awaken when she pressed a cold, hard, metallic object into the palm of my hand. _

_She slowly turned to me with a sad expression on her face as she bent down to give me a soft kiss on the forehead. "Good bye... Rikugou..." was all she said before she turned and walked off, never to be found again, gone, as if she were wiped off the face of the earth._

۞۞۞

My vision was suddenly blurred by tears which were thought to have dried up along time ago, after remembering the last time I had seen her. The pain in my heart flared up once again as I clutched a hand over it. The only memoir she left with me was her favorite metal hair tie which she always wore-- The only reminder that she ever existed in the first place. It was then when I decided to grow my hair out just to wear it. It was a sign that I hadn't forgotten her and that she would always remain with me no matter how far apart we were.

So it seems like the old scars hadn't faded, not even by a bit.

_Heh... so it seems even the Shinshou are affected by human feelings..._

Suddenly, a familiar voice called my name. The single voice was soft and gentle but still rang loud and clear, like a wind chime. The voice did not call for Rikugou, but for Saiki. Only three people knew of my true name. The first was the one who gave it to me, the second was already decomposing under the earth, and the final person had been missing for ten years. This caused me to look up at a figure of a woman, the light of the sun shining brightly behind her. Her outline was vaguely familiar; from her defined posture, her slender outline to her beautifully long brunette hair.

_I couldn't be... could it? The one who had left all those years ago?_

"Miyuki...?"


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: I heavily edited this chapter, adding about a thousand more words. ^^ The ending is slightly different because of the extra paragraphs. **

* * *

O N E M O R E T I M E

It had been three months ever since Miyuki returned home after a whole ten year absence. And what she received from the time away from home was a strong sense of independence and justice. She still had compassion for the weak, maybe more now than ever before, and respect for a family who welcomed her back with open arms. It didn't matter that she ran away without a word for ten years. To them, all that mattered was the fact that she was safe and sound. Although in the past Miyuki was able to see somewhat, now, her sight had deteriorated to the point where she was completely blind.

Both Masachika and Narachika had returned home to be reunited with their long lost sibling in quite a rush when news of her return reached their ears. All the Shinshou were also happy for her return. Seimei's grandson, Masahiro, is still trying to get over the shock that he has a sister, and the fact he used to have another. It was obvious he hadn't been informed that he even had sisters in the first place. In other words, everyone was just glad she was back and did not treat her like the traitor she really was.

And because of that, I, Seiryuu of the twelve Shinshou, was not in the mood for celebrating.

As usual, Miyuki was the centre of attention yet again, the centre of everyone's love and affection. I had to grit my teeth together to stop myself for saying what I wanted to say and clench my fists to stop myself from punching a hole in a wall.

_Must she always... always be in the spotlight? It's not fair... why was Kiyoko treated so differently?? Why...?_

**9 years ago...**

۞۞۞

_Footsteps...Yes... the sounds of footsteps could be heard outside Kiyoko's door way. The poor girl was sick with a high fever yet again and I, Seiryuu, her faithful guardian Shinshou stood by bedside the entire time. She stirred and her eyes opened slightly. _

"_Father...? He's outside isn't he...? Has he come to visit me Seiryuu?" she asked as a weak smile formed on her lips. _

_I nodded, smiling slightly even though I was sure that wasn't the case. It had been weeks since that bastard had visited his own daughter who was said to die in less than a year's time due to her weak heart. The sound of a door being slid open could be heard faintly. But it wasn't Kiyoko's door; it was Miyuki's door which was opened. Damn bastard... he was visiting that girl again, Miyuki, the favored daughter amongst the two twins. He never did care for Kiyoko for she was a fragile, delicate little thing. Her father was a strict man who would put his family's status first before his actual family. For Miyuki was a child prodigy, he would always give her whatever she wanted, as long as she raised her family name. _

_Miyuki on the other hand, the poor girl, was so weak now she couldn't even leave the house. The outside world didn't even know that she even existed. Sooner or later, the world would not realize the loss of her life. They would not realize what they were missing. The thought angered me._

'_Was this her fate? Just to exist??'_

_Tears welled up in Miyuki's eyes but she refused to let any fall from her pale face. I had a genuinely sad expression on mine as I wiped away her tears. Her delicate hand which looked like delicate porcelain China, touched mine. "Seiryuu..." she breathed in a voice what sounded like a dying whisper. "Yes, Kiyoko-sama?" I said as I leaned forward so I could hear her. _

"_Promise me... promise me you'll never leave me alone..." she begged him with her beautiful amber eyes, brimming with tears and hope. I smiled, forcing my lips to curve into a small smile, nodded and said, "Of course, Kiyoko-sama." And as I spoke, I continued to wipe the tears away from her doll like face._

۞۞۞

_I promised her... I promised... yet I couldn't keep that promise..._

I gritted my teeth together as I clenched my fists causing beads of blood to appear on my pale flesh. Then, I sensed two people making their way to where I was at. I kept silent as I heard Miyuki state what was clearly obvious in the eyes of all the other Shinshou, except Rikugou. "Rikugou, I love you. And it was because of that I ran away," she said.

I couldn't help but smirk at the look of shock and surprise on Rikugou's face.

_Love... ah yes... I was once told that I was loved too..._

**10 years ago...**

۞۞۞

_I was accompanying Kiyoko as she slowly graced the garden with her presence. It was one of the rare occasions where she was well enough to leave the confinement of her room. It was one of those days where she was not down with a fever or coughing so hard till blood followed from her lips._

"_Please do not over exert yourself, Kiyoko-sama. You might fall sick again," I told her worriedly as I reached out to touch her. Who knew when she was going to collapse again and hurt herself? _

_That's when I noticed visible hesitation in her eyes, as if she were fighting within herself to properly place her words. I knew exactly how that felt. Finally, she took in a shaky breath before stuttering slightly on her sentence. "Seiryuu... th-there's something I've wanted to tell you for a long time," she mumbled as then turned to me, slightly red in face which alarmed me. Was she falling sick again? _

_I instinctively placed my hand on her forehead and I felt her temperature rise a few degrees. "Kiyoko-sama, are you alright? You might be coming down with another fever," I said worriedly. "No, no, I'm fine. Really!" she tried to explain herself but failed miserably. By now I could tell that whatever she wanted to say was important. So I crossed my arms and motioned her to continue._

_The brunette averted her shy gaze from mine and cast it to the ground, clearly embarrassed. "I-I just want to tell you that... that I... that I love you..." her voice was a barely audible squeak but I could hear her just as clearly as if she was screaming the words into my ears. I had grown so accustomed to her soft voice that I would have been able to hear her whispering more than ten feet away. But this wasn't the time to be thinking about that. My mistress had just told me she loved me. What was I going to do? What could I do? She was dying. Everyone knew that. So what should I do?_

"_M-more than a father, or a brother... I-I really do love you..." she repeated the words softly, but not as soft as before._

_There was a long pause and all was silent. The dark stormy clouds which loomed ominously overhead were rather depressing as they shut out the sun's rays in a thick, grey veil. It felt like the world was holding its breath, just waiting for my answer. What should I do? Should I tell her how I truly feel? That I love her as a daughter, as a sister. Or lie, tell her that I do love her and keep her happy for the last months? _

_Finally, I began to walk towards her causing her to flinch and shut her eyes, only to realize I had walked past her. And without a word, I disappeared in a shimmer of light. She simply looked down, head hung low almost as if her neck had been snapped into two. _

_The clouds above decided it was time to let down the tears that they had been holding for the past few months, bringing the long awaited rain to the land stricken with drought. As farmers cheered and children ran and played in the rain, Kiyoko fell to her knees and cried silently, covering her face with her hands._

_Not saying anything, must have been the worst kind of rejection..._

۞۞۞

"You really should've told her no. At the very least instead of walking off," Miyuki spoke up from behind me causing me to turn about and stare at her. It was almost as if she read my thoughts. Did she learn to do that while she was gone? Only god knows. That girl had not told anyone where she was for the past decade. All she would say was that she was 'here and there'.

I quickly covered up my surprise and changed the topic on her instead, "Where's Rikugou?" I was rather puzzled that he wasn't with her like he always was, 24/7. Miyuki surprised me when she giggled lightly, like the tinkling of a couple bells.

"Ah, he disappeared after I told him. But I'm sure you heard what I told him," she smiled at me. I couldn't hide bewilderment. Why was she so happy? He ran away the moment she told him that she was in love with him, something that I had done to Kiyoko all those years ago. So why was she so happy while her sister was devastated, heartbroken? Was it because she knew she could easily find more men with the life she was given, unlike Kiyoko where I was all that she had? So I asked her, leaving out the last part.

After a pregnant pause she answered in a slightly mischievous tone, "Well, Rikugou disappeared, after her kissed me. So..." As she spoke she traced her lips with her fingers. I shook my head sighing slightly. So even Rikugou could get embarrassed... But at least he hadn't broken her heart. I immediately she was not going to let him live this down when she told me that he was a very good kisser.

"Well any way, enough about me. Why did you do it?" Miyuki asked casually as she hopped over the gate and landed next to me. I helped her over, not wanting her to trip. I was silent before replying, "I didn't want to hurt her." She gave me a disbelieving look and I let out a sigh looking down. That wasn't the true reason. Even I knew that.

_Why did I turn her down without a word? _

I didn't look at her, I couldn't, as I then spoke in a pained tone, "I guess... it was because I didn't want to hurt myself... I didn't want to feel the pain of losing her..." So that was the reason. After years and years, after all this time I had finally found the answer to the question which plagued me day and night, an endless torture that was resolved in under a few minutes. Was it because I couldn't forgive me for hurting her? Most probably.

I felt Miyuki place a hand on my chest, where my aching heart was while her other hand was placed on the side of my face. She slowly traced my chiseled features gently before running a slender finger over my lips which were pressed together in a thin line. She then said, "But you still did.... Didn't you...?"

I looked down at her, into those two amber eyes which were so similar to her twin's, yet, so different; because they weren't the same person, because while this twin was alive, her counterpart was just a pile of bones six feet under the earth. Only god knows where the Mikado buried her. Remembering that Miyuki was the source of Kiyoko's painful seclusion, I shoved her away. "How do you know how I feel? It was because of you she died in such grief!" I shouted at her, failing to control my anger as I swatted her hand aside.

Miyuki had a sad look on her face as she held on to her hand which I had hit. After calming down, I simply uttered a gruff apology to the girl who was the reason Kiyoko was forcefully married to the Mikado's son.

"I didn't... I didn't ask or force her to do what she did..." she whispered so soft that even with my heightened hearing abilities, I could barely catch what she said. "…What are you talking about?" I demanded after a moment of silence. Obviously, she knew something about Kiyoko that I didn't. And I wanted to know just what it was.

۞۞۞

_Kiyoko awoke from another one of her high fevers. It was because she had stayed in the rain for too long. For the first time in her life, Seiryuu wasn't by her side. Was he disgusted with her for falling in love with him? She didn't know. Slowly, Kiyoko got up from her custom made futon and made her way across her lightless room, stumbling over a few uneven floor boards, as she made her way to her door. _

_Outside her room, she could feel great sadness in her heart which brought tears to her eyes. It wasn't her pain; she could tell that it was her sister's, Kiyoko's. "Sister...?" she breathed as she opened the door to her sister's room. Why was her sister in pain? She was going to marry the Mikado's son; a privilege to many women. So why did she feel that her heart was being dragged down with weights?_

_Miyuki sobbed silently in the darkness of her room. She had been writing a letter to quit her school so that she could get married to the Mikado's son, but continued to fail with every new sentence. Rikugou was no longer by her side. Most probably he had been sent away. _

"_Sister...?" Kiyoko called out in the dim lighting causing Miyuki to turn about to look at her younger sister. Wiping away her tears she put on a fake smile as she asked, "Kiyoko-chan, what are you doing up so late? I thought you were sick with a fever." Kiyoko didn't reply Miyuki's question as she made her way through the darkness towards her. _

"_Is something the matter, sister?" she asked, placing one of her sickly hands on her sister's very much alive face. Miyuki avoided eye contact with her frail younger sister. Kiyoko was very good at reading Miyuki's thoughts for they appeared on her face -- Miyuki can't control her facial expressions too well with her sister for she felt responsible for her sister's ill begotten state. _

"_Run away," Kiyoko said after the long silence. "Huh?" Miyuki gazed up at her sister with disbelieving eyes. Why was Kiyoko telling her this? "Run away. Don't marry the Mikado's son. I will marry him in your place," she said in a calm voice. "But Kiyoko-chan... you have a weak body..." "That does not mean I have a weak spirit, sister," Kiyoko cut off her sister's sentence, her eyes shone in the moonlight with a new determination. Although Miyuki couldn't see, she could tell Kiyoko was dead serious. The younger twin wanted to do something that would leave her in the memories of at least one person before she died. She didn't want to be forgotten anymore._

"_Thank you... Kiyoko-chan..."_

۞۞۞

I was in silent shock. Why didn't she tell me this? All this time, I had hated Miyuki and her father, who had become soft and kind to his children after losing both of his daughters, for what they had done. It was all too hard to take in. Now, I had to completely change my mind set about Miyuki and her father; something that I wasn't willing to do just yet. After all, Kiyoko had passed away less than a month after she was married to the Mikado's son. And I wasn't able to be by her side in her last moments for we had only been informed of her passing the next day since she had died of her illness, tuberculosis, and weak heart at night. I promised to never leave her alone. That was the only request she wished of me, but I was unable to carry it out. It made me feel sick inside.

_How can I trust you?_

That was what I wanted to say, but the look in Miyuki's eyes was so pure and sincere, she was telling the truth no matter how much I didn't want to believe it. I felt like my heart was being torn into two.

Finally, I looked away from the girl and turned my hard gaze to the floor with bitterness. It would take years, maybe even centuries to change my mind about the girl standing before me. I didn't want to forgive her. Not just yet at least. I knew that sooner or later I would. But the question of whether I could forgive myself had a completely different answer.

This time I didn't push Miyuki away when she reached out to touch me. I simply remained as still as a rock, unmoving in the slightest. She felt the hardness of my features and let out a soft sigh. "It's not your fault, Seiryuu. There was nothing more you could have done," she said in a gentle tone. The fact that she was trying to make me feel better about myself just made things worse for me.

Tracing my lips with her fingers she could tell that my lips were curved downwards into a firm frown. And I wasn't going to let up anytime soon. Not for a very, very long time.

Suddenly, Miyuki did something completely unexpected. Standing on the balls of her feet, the brunette gently brushed her lips against mine before gently placing them on my cheek. My whole body tensed up, not knowing what to do. Should I just let her have her way because I quite enjoyed what she was doing? Or should I push her away to avoid a confrontation with Rikugou?

But before my brain could process any information, she pulled away leaving a part of me feeling rather disappointed. She had a sad smile on her face as she then spoke, "It's what Kiyoko wanted and what she would have done if she were here, in my place." I was kept silent once she was done leaving a gaping space of silence in between. Slowly, Miyuki guided herself back inside the house, using the walls to trace her way to the door.

Once she had left I slumped to the floor, feeling all the pain I had felt, return once more. It took everything I had not to let the tears form in my eyes the way they wanted to. Hugging my legs to my chest, I felt that that was the only way to stop myself from falling to pieces. Glaring into an empty space before me, the bitterness and remorse I felt did not subside. It took me a whole decade to realize what I had till it was gone. It took me a whole decade to realize that I was in fact, completely and helplessly in love with Kiyoko. Now she's gone along with everything I ever had. She was all I ever wanted.

When she died, she took everything with her. My heart, my soul… Not that I need them anymore. For I know that I won't be needing them if I will never be able to love her again. If I could, I would happily have given up all my senses. My sight for I will never be able to behold her beauty any more. My hearing for I will never be able to hear her angelic voice call my name. My smell for I can never breathe in her scent to know that she is still beside me. My touch for I will never be able to feel my hands run through her lustrous hair and fit them perfectly around her waist. My taste for I'll never be able to savor the sweetness of her lips.

If god were to punish me, I wouldn't need it. Living without Kiyoko was a punishment in itself, a living hell from which I will never wake up from.

In my heart I knew I would never see her again. I was a Shinshou, a creature who will be reborn every time I die, while she on the other hand, can never return and will forever dwell in a realm completely different from mine. We were separated forever. Even though it was impossible to do what I wanted to, even though it was an impossible wish that not even the gods could grant, even though we were separated for time and all eternity on different sides of the veil, I still... I still wanted to see her again... just one more time...

_Just one more time... that's all I ask for..._

* * *

**A/N: Just to tell you that the 4th last paragraph was taken from my Slam Dunk story. [Not on fanfiction (I put it as a quote in the Slam Dunk story even though it doesn't have anything to do with it)] But I twisted it around and added a couple words and took out a few sentences. It's then one that said, "When she died, she took everything with her........................"**

**Review please?**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Wow this is so late and I am sooooo sorry to make everyone wait for this chapter! Please forgive me! (Oh yeah, this chapter was so long that I had to split it into two making this story a four chapter story and not a three chapter story from what I had originally planned. If I could, I would compile all the main characters, Miyuki, Kiyoko, Rikugou, Seiryuu, Guren and the new OC that will be introduced in this story and put all of them into a fifth chapter! Now all I'll have to do is to think about what it'll be about... .**

**(Edited slightly)**

* * *

IF ONLY

_If only he hadn't met her…  
__Then his world wouldn't be empty…_

_If only he hadn't made her his…  
__Then his body would be clean…_

_If only he hadn't fallen for her…  
__Then his heart wouldn't long to be with her..._

I, Touda of the 12 Shinshou, also known as Guren, stood along the banks of the bloodied river by the temple shrine of the Guardians. With me were my fellow Shinshou as well as Seimei and his grandson, Masahiro who were grieving over a newly dug grave. My heart was stone and my gaze was like ice, unlike my fiery nature as a Shinshou. Behind us, the temple which had been up in flames only moments ago, had been put out and was now nothing more than a burnt and black building.

This was the exact same place where we had first met, and this was the last place we were together. This place held much significance to me. I remained silent and still as the other Shinshou were saying pieces of what they felt for the woman who was now six feet under.

"She was… a beautiful and intelligent but rather feisty young woman," Seimei mused.

'_Beautiful… yes… she was very beautiful and definitely feisty.'_

۞۞۞

_**Two months ago…**_

"_Get down!!" Masahiro shouted as I threw a cannon ball sized flame at a creature, nowhere near ordinary. It was huge, black and it reeked of death and decay. In other words, it smelt terrible. The thing filled with demonic aura, avoided the brunt of the attack, only having parts of its skin singed off by my flames. It growled and hissed, but the moment it laid eyes on the grandson of Abe no Seimei, it instantly withdrew its claw from the girl it was about to kill before bounding into the shadows. _

_I gritted my teeth in annoyance and made chase after the creature. But when I ran the corner, it was gone; back to its miserable existence in the hole which it crawled out from. Clenching my fists tightly, I felt frustrated that I had let it escape. But there was always next time. Right? And there was definitely going to be a lot more monsters to slay along the way. Taking in a deep breath and exhaling, I tried to calm myself down as I thought aloud, "There's always a next time…" But only after had those words escaped my lips, I heard Masahiro, better known as Seimei's grandson, call out to the girl. _

"_Hey, are you ok?" he exclaimed worriedly as he shook her slightly, trying to wake her up. The girl only seemed to be half conscious as she stirred. She looked so cute and sweet, like a little doll. I soon found myself wondering why a demon would attack someone as defenseless as her. This must have been just another one of those random attacks. Man these ghouls are getting more and more bold…_

_Well… at least, that's what I thought._

_When the girl finally came to her senses, she was far from gracious. Not even her words were filled with the slightest bit of gratitude to us, her saviors. In fact, she seemed downright angry at us. "Who are you people? No… that's not important. Where's the monster, boy?" she snapped at both Masahiro and I, mainly glaring at my young friend. She was hardly paying attention to me at all! Hey, what am I? You're regular run of the much monster? I'm the fire creating Shinshou for god's sakes! _

_As I continued to fume silently, the two began to converse. "P-Pardon?" Masahiro said in surprise, obviously confused by the sharpness in her tone. After all, we had just saved that ingrate of a girl. "You heard me. Where's the monster? Are you deaf or something?" she questioned rudely. Obviously, the two of us were taken back by her behavior to us, but I was the first to recover._

"_Hey girl! Who do you think you're talking to? We just saved your sorry life!!" I growled at her through gritted teeth, holding myself in place, fighting the urge to just slap that look of supremacy off her face. She merely stared at me as if to say 'so?' And with a monotone voice she said, "And I'm supposed to thank you for that? Give me a break. I never asked to be saved. I could've handled that monster on my own," Now, even I was at a loss for words. Who the hell did that girl think she was? The girl then shot the two of us a quick glare before speaking as she stood up, "Good bye." _

_Just as she took the first step, she suddenly collapsed, as if her legs lost the strength to hold her body up. "A-Are you alright Miss?" Masahiro stuttered. I couldn't believe he was still being polite to that bitch after all that she had said to us. "I'm fine! Now leave me alone you son of a-" she was cut short when Masahiro held up her arm causing her to wince. Pushing up her sleeve, he noticed a rather deep gash in her arm which had access dark energy seeping out of it. She was obviously poisoned. _

_Masahiro's eyes widened and he quickly called out to me in a tone of much urgency. I released a sigh of annoyance, unable to believe I had to help her. "What are you doing?" she demanded in a shrill voice as I gathered her in his arms like a sack of clothes. "We're taking you to get that poison out of your system, Now come on Guren!" Masahiro said as he set off at a brisk pace, not really waiting for either of us. Shrugging my shoulders, I merely followed, my long paces caught up with him in mere seconds._

"_Hey! Put me down!! I never asked for your help! Hey!!!" the feisty tempered girl protested as she flailed her arms and legs, trying to break free from Masahiro's stubborn grip, but to no avail. I had half the mind to just drop her and leave, but knowing Masahiro, he would never let that happen. And so I ignored the girl's cries and her weak attempts to claw my eyes out._

_**A Couple Hours Later…**_

"_Hey… looks like she's finally coming round!" Masahiro exclaimed as he waved his hands in her face. Not really the most useful thing to do. The girl's eyes flew wide and she pushed his hands out of her face as she tried to get out of the futon she was laying in, but to no avail. I noticed her wince as she clutched her side. From the look in her eyes, I could tell she was scolding herself for letting her show weakness and being forced to accept the help of others. I've seen that look in the mirror too many times to count already._

"_It's best if you don't move for the time being… the antidote can only help you if you move as little as possible," said the elderly man named Abe no Seimei. The girl glared mercilessly at him before asking, "What's your name, old man?" Wow. She must really be wishing for a death wish if she was being bad-mannered around Seimei. She should be glad that Seiryuu isn't here._

_Seimei chuckled for a bit before stating, "Miss, it's only polite for you to introduce yourself first." The girl's eye twitched for a brief moment and her lips formed a tight line. But she finally spoke, "My name is… Megumi Kurasawa…" Seimei looked at her briefly, surprise flitted across his face for a second before dissolving behind his wrinkles. After a moment of thought, he spoke with his grandfatherly smile, "My name is Abe no Seimei. It's nice to meet you, Megumi." As he spoke he outstretched his hand for her to shake._

_At the sound of his name, Megumi's eyes flew wide open. Obviously she had heard of the famous exorcist who had helped the Mikado with different unexplained phenomenon countless of times. And it looked like she truly realized who, what, I really was._

_For a second there I noticed panic flash through her eyes, but it was only a brief feeling. She soon composed herself before saying in her usually emotionless tone, "I see… pardon me then, but I have a mission to see through." This time, when she tried to get up, she succeeded even though Princess Akiko tried to stop her, but only after taking a few steps did she blacked out yet again, falling to the ground with a thud. Why was she so stubborn in receiving our help?_

"_Hey! Are you ok?" I exclaimed as I knelt next to her. Her skin was actually much paler than when I had first seen her. She had just broken into cold sweat and her breath was becoming shallow. Just by feeling her skin I could tell she was having a fever; a very bad one._

_Letting out a soft sigh, Seimei then spoke in a tired tone, "Masahiro, please call Miyuki-chan* and Tenitsu for their assistance. Guren, bring Megumi to one of the spare rooms and take care of her." _

_I made a disgruntle grunt knowing that this meant I'd have to take care of her until she recovered, and by the looks of things… that wouldn't be anytime soon. But I nodded in agreement, picked her up in my arms and carried her to the designated location. Just as I was out the door, my acute hearing picked up a sentence uttered by Seimei. _

"_Kurasawa… if I'm right then…" There was then a shake of the head before he continued, _

"_The poor girl…" _

_I wanted to turn and ask him what he had meant, but before I could, do so, I felt a warm hand caress to side of my face causing me to flinch and recoil. Whipping about I saw that it was Miyuki, the blind eldest daughter of Seimei's son, Masahiro's elder sister as well as Rikugou's not so secret lover. I could feel my facial expression relax from its hard, angry look. I couldn't help but let out a sigh of relief as I then said, _

"_God, Miyuki-san… that scared the heck out of me…" The mischievous twenty-four year old brunette chuckled slightly before saying in a teasing tone, "I'm sorry Mokkun-kun. But you just looked so serious that I wanted to give you a little scare." _

_At the corner of my eye I spotted Rikugou, who is basically with Miyuki 24/7 –afraid that she'd run away yet again, Tenitsu who was summoned and Masahiro who was trembling with suppressed laughter. It was quite obvious that Masahiro was still unable to control his mirth whenever Miyuki called me 'Mokkun-kun'. It wasn't something I liked being called. It was much too cute for my tastes. But, I had to endure. My eyes darted from Miyuki to Rikugou who then turned to look at me with a raised eyebrow. I immediately averted my gaze. I must endure for the sake of my sanity. Rikugou would never let me live with a clean conscious if I upset the girl._

_Forgetting instantly about what Seimei had just said, I ruffled her hair, so hard that her always-in-place hair was completely messed up. Being Miyuki, she merely laughed it off. That's what I liked about her. If only I could be as lucky as Rikugou and find someone just like that. But before my thoughts could go on for much longer, her facial features turned deadpan serious as her eyes scanned the frail body which I held together in my arms. In a grim tone she said, "Alright, enough fooling about. I need you and Masahiro to fill me in about what happened to this girl." _

_Even though it was normal for Miyuki to turn from cheerful to downright serious, I was still startled by her sudden change of attitude towards the situation. Sometimes I wondered what had happened to her while she was gone to make her change so drastically. But I guess all I can do is wonder since she wouldn't even tell Rikugou about it._

_After filing Miyuki in on all the details, she merely nodded as if she knew exactly what was wrong with Megumi. "She had too much dark energy enter her blood stream. A simple spell will nullify the effect but it's best if she doesn't exert herself too much or else she'll remain weak for a longer period of time," she said while nodding. _

_I simply nodded in understanding. So all I had to do was keep that girl from getting out of bed and restrict her movements as much as possible. I guess that's simple enough._

_**That night…**_

"_Where do you think you're going, little girl?" I said as I rolled my eyes in annoyance. Megumi faltered in her attempt to jump out the window. She obviously hadn't sensed me materialize right behind her. "What are you doing you Shishou?" she demanded, hiding her embarrassment for being caught off guard. I frowned slightly. I obviously didn't like began addressed in that manner, but then again, I did call her 'little girl'._

_Shrugging my shoulders I merely stated the fact that I was ordered by the Abe no Seimei to safeguard her like I would Masahiro. This caused her to roll her eyes in annoyance. I was obviously not the first to tell her that. "Whatever…" Her voice trailed off. She didn't say what she wanted to say, but I was pretty sure that she was going to ask why the all powerful Shishou, such as I, were taking orders from that old man. Either that or I'm just being a jackass. The fact that the latter was more likely than the first was depressing._

_Taking in a small breath of air, I slowly exhaled to calm myself. I was not going to lose my temper now just to give her the satisfaction to show her how mentally exhausted I really was. I had a long day already and it was going to be even longer without the sleep I needed to put up with her the next day. I knew that I would need to put in a lot of extra effort to keep calm, to keep up this façade of patience. Just to last the night._

"_Hey, Shishou," she called me by my title once more, rolling to her side on her futon to face me. While I had been lost in thought, she finally decided to climb into her nice futon, like I wanted to. She did not label me in such a rude manner as last time; this time round she was much softer and gentler. Still, I couldn't help but grimace slightly when she called me that. "Yes…?" I asked her, my voice growing weary. _

_I could've sworn that I saw a look of worry cross her face, but if that were true, it didn't last very long. In a soft, almost tender voice which seemed to show a different side to her rough exterior, she spoke, "You should get some rest…" I was silent, trying to uncover any hidden meaning behind her words, any hint that she might try to escape in my sleep. I saw none and that worried me. She was trying to be nice? Well that really makes my day, I mean, night._

_My silence caused a small frown to form on her lips as she began to speak, "I promise I won't runaway. So… get some rest… you did fight that monster not too long ago…" She muttered the last part under her breath, not really appreciative of the fact that it was because of that certain monster she was currently under 'house arrest' as she liked to call it._

_But either way, I finally understood what she wanted. She wanted to thank me for saving her, without really saying it aloud. _

_After a brief moment of silence, I nodded my head, ignoring the small smile which lit up her face that made me feel uncomfortable in my own skin. Sitting down in one corner of the room, I rested my back against the wall and watched her for a little longer. Even though I pretended not to notice this, she would constantly peek at me from under her long eyelashes. But either way, being only an exhausted human, her eyes grew heavier and heavier until they could not bear the weight of fatigue anymore. Finally they closed and she drifted into a peaceful slumber. A small serene smile slowly curled onto her lips as her breathed evened out into slow, rhythmic pace. _

_I too began to let my muscles relax, slowly adjusting from my ready-to-fight state to one of complete tranquility. And just as I began to slip into unconsciousness, I couldn't help but think to myself,_

_She's pretty cute…_

۞۞۞

'_Was that when I started to fall for her…?'_

If only I could take back those thoughts the moment they popped into my mind. Maybe then I would not have fallen for her; fallen so far, so deeply, so helplessly in love with her.

The sharp pain which I felt stab through my heart snapped me out of my thoughts caused me to grit my teeth. Clenching my fists so tightly that they were beginning to turn white from the pressure and small trickles of blood began to sweep through the cracks in my fingers, made me look like I was going to punch the closest person to me right there and then, be it man or woman. And I couldn't deny the reality behind the truth that that was exactly how I felt. Because of that fact, those who were closest to me were actually a good ten feet away from where I stood. I didn't blame them for I didn't even notice that they weren't with me. I was too overwhelmed with pain and anger in that moment in time that I could hardly see things clearly anymore.

Was that because my vision was beginning to cloud with tears?

_Most probably._

* * *

**A/N: Stayed tuned for the next chapter (which is a continuation of this one and will hopefully be the second last one. Read the A/N above) Review thoughts please?**


	4. Chapter 4

**If only…**

**A/N:** This chapter was rather difficult to complete since isn't my style of writing, but Guren/Touda/Mokkun's. I tried my best to write the way he would with his thoughts included, so I hope I captured his personality with these words. Enjoy! ^^

* * *

**Recap:** And so, after saving some ungrateful brat by the name of Megumi, I, Guren, was given the task of taking care of her till she was fully recovered from her miasma poisoning. And with that impossible task at hand, I will have to gather up all my patience and self control to keep this rambunctious little 'princess' at bay. I just hope that I don't start to let my guard down around her. If so, the consequences will be devastating.

* * *

My eyes slowly scanned the blackened soil beneath my feet in attempt to avoid looking up at the anxious faces of my fellow Shinshou and exorcists that nervously shifted from my still form back to their peers, unsure of how to proceed. They were most probably wondering on how to console me, but I didn't want their pity for I didn't need it. Pity was degrading in every form and in every manner. I didn't need their solace; all I wanted was to be left alone, alone in my own little world. I just needed some time to think, some time to myself. All I ever needed was gone and now I had to find something to take away the pain. The closest thing I could find to take away my pain were my thoughts, though they kept edging back to the past; back to the source of the pain, back to _her_…

۞۞۞

**Two Months Ago…**

When I awoke the next day to the songs of birds and the fresh morning air, I let out a loud drawn-out yawn, stretching my arms as I slowly got to my feet. As I did so, the wooden floorboards creaked ever so gently under the sudden change of weight, pulling me out of my half conscious state. Rubbing the sleep from my eyes and the stiffness from my neck, I ran my other hand through my disheveled crimson hair, making a mental note to never sleep in an upright position like that again.

Another day to babysit that girl…

My other thoughts trailed off when I remembered that I had fallen asleep after I had been given strict orders not to do so. Oh damn. Casting my gaze towards the futon where she should have been, I uttered a soft curse when I found it empty. Good god, did she seriously runaway in that condition of hers? If so, then damn oh damn oh damn! Surely Seiryuu was not going to let me off with a simple reprimand this time. Dang, that guy really has it in for me. Whenever it came to protecting someone, especially a female, he always acts like he has a stick up his... ahem. Wonder what his problem is...

After mouthing a couple more profanities, I decided to search for the little weasel.

Tsk.

'_You should get some rest_' she said. '_I promise I won't run away_' she said. My ass! How could I have believed her lies? This is the last time I'll trust that no good, lousy, lying daughter of a...

The crude insult which had begun to form in my mind dispersed when the thick, inviting smell of fried omelets and seafood rose to my nose. _'I'll eat after I find that girl,_' I told myself as I tried to brush off the heavenly scent. But not long after the smell had hit my senses was a thunderous rumbling noise which echoed throughout Abe no Seimei's household. I couldn't help but wince slightly at the sound of my stomach. After all, I hadn't had any dinner the night before, no wonder I was starving. Although I knew full well what my priorities were, it just smelled so good! _'Well, a little food couldn't hurt I guess.'_ So with that thought in mind, I carelessly made my way to the dining room hoping for a quick bite before I begin my search for the troublesome little runaway.

Slipping into the dining room, I quickly scanned the perimeter to make sure that Abe no Seimei, Seiryuu or Miyuki-chan weren't there. Surely only they would reprimand me; especially Miyuki-chan. She may seem like an innocent little girl, but hell, she's a little she-devil in sheep's clothing. And the fact that she had her ever so loyal bodyguard, Rikugou, could easily make my life a living hell if I were to upset her, well, let's just say it's not a smart idea to step on her toes. I swear that those two act more like master and servant than lovers.

"Hey Shinshou," a rather bright and lively voice called out as a greeting causing me to whip about to face the person who was obviously inhuman, being able to be so perky at the breaks of dawn; a feat which only a few have ever mastered in the last millennia. I half expected it to be Miyuki-chan and her usual sudden appearances, so I was a little surprised to find that it was only that girl Megumi. Oh, well that makes things a lot easier. Now I didn't have to go out of my way to search for her.

Masking my surprise with a look of irritation, I simply rolled my eyes. So she was preparing breakfast. Dang, got all worked up for nothing... Oh well, at least she hadn't run away...

'_Wait a second, why was I worked up in the first place?,' _

Shaking my head I quickly told myself that I was just doing my job and that the only reason I was worried was because of the trouble I would be in if she had run away. My feelings are nothing more than professional.

Parting my lips, I hid my worry with words of irritation, "You're so troublesome... Jeez, don't disappear like that again." Obviously I wasn't going to be a sissy and admit to worrying that something might have happened to her. It would've been bad if I had come off as a weirdo to her. I mean, she's not even an adult –I think—while I'm what? I'm already nearing my first century, and who knows if I've died in the past and lost my memories? The fact that that was most probably true was depressing.

I noticed the brunette momentarily avert her gaze to the floor, but she still had a smile on her face, so I guessed she was ok. It seemed a little forced, but someone who smiles and or smirks so much should start feeling the strain from smiling, right? I mean, why would someone smile if they're sad? In fact, a mischievous grin was beginning to play on her lips that very instant. In a tone bordering on the edge of mockery, Megumi spoke, "Sorry for worrying you, Mr. Babysitter."

My eye twitched visibly, but before I could open my mouth to speak, the girl got up from her seat. Except, her manner was not as smooth or as flowing as she had been the other day. In fact, her actions seemed rather halting and sluggish.

'_Has she gotten sicker?'_

I could feel my eyebrows cross and my mouth form a disapproving line as questions began to form in my mind, but before I could even utter a sentence, she spoke up in a slightly strained tone, "If you excuse me, Miyuki-san has asked for me." That shut me up. It wasn't like I was going to stop her from talking to Miyuki-chan, if I did and if Miyuki-chan found out, I would be in deep trouble.

Seeing that I wouldn't oppose her decision, Megumi smirked slightly before excusing herself from my presence.

All I could do was grit my teeth and clench my fists as I watch her haughtily strut out the door way despite her frail figure. I would have slammed my fist into the nearest wall in order to release my frustration, but the last time I did that, I had to listen to one of Genbu's lectures as I was ordered to fix the hole. And so, I held back.

'_Damn it. If she runs away it's out of my hands,' _

"Good Morning Guren-san," called a familiar feminine voice which caused me to whip about, coming face to face with Princess Akiko who had her usual charming smile on her face, not forced in the slightest. Seriously, why can't Megumi be like Princess Akiko? That would make my life so much easier. With my assignment to protect Megumi, I could not be by the Princess's side in case I was needed; nor could Abe no Seimei's grandson, with all the escalating demon activity in the area. I bet the boy was still passed out on his futon sleeping the day away.

That's when I noticed one of the four female Shinshou, Kouchin, whose face tinted a slight shade of red which caused me to stare as she averted to gaze to the floor. What was that about? Does she have a fever or something? Well that's not good. If she gets sick now, either Taiin or Genbu would be assigned to protect the princess in her place. Tenitsu, who was the Princess's usual guardian, was back in the other realm being nursed back to health by Suzaku after transferring Masahiro's latest wounds onto herself.

I greeted them, but my voice sounded faraway, even to myself. _'What's wrong with me today? Seriously, get a hold of yourself!'_ I scolded myself silently, hiding the confusion that I felt. Although the innocent little princess was oblivious to my uncertainty, Kouchin had known me long enough, knew full well that I was hiding something. In any case, even if she had noticed that something about me was definitely off, she didn't say anything about it as she carried the plates of food that rested on the palms of her hands, onto the table. And I was glad she didn't ask, because I truly had no idea what I was hiding in the first place.

After placing the food on the dining table, the princess arranged the plates into perfect order without really meaning to, it really was second nature to her. After all, she's a princess brought up in a palace where she had been taught about proper etiquette. And as she worked, the precious princess asked about Megumi's whereabouts, but all I did was roll my shoulders before informing her that the girl was visiting Miyuki-chan. Those two could be anywhere by now, judging by their personalities.

When I said so, Princess Akiko furrowed her eyebrows as a look of confusion crossed her face. Keeping her voice low, the brunette thought aloud,

"And she'd spent all morning cooking too... Maybe she wasn't hungry anymore..."

Although Akiko's voice was near inaudible, my acute hearing was able to pick up her words. Luckily, through years and years of training, I was able to keep the perplexity that I felt from showing on my face; didn't want to be teased by Kou for being such a worry wart. But still, I couldn't help but wonder what would have caused that girl to leave.

۞۞۞

**Present...**

'_I was so stupid back then...'_

That was the bitter thought that repeated itself in my mind like an echo in this hollow shell of a body. Although I looked whole on the outside, I was in pieces, beat, broken and dying inside. As the memory continued on through my mind I couldn't help but bite my lower lip. I didn't want to remember. It hurt too much to even think about the past, but it was agonizing to be apart from her. And so, my memories were all that kept her with me. Those memories are the only things that are keeping her alive. So I would have to continue living, continue remembering, continue hurting so that she would continue to live, maybe not in this world, maybe not with me, but in me.

If I were to forget, then she would surely die.

۞۞۞

**One month ago...**

It had already been a month since Megumi had come into our 'mundane' lives as Shinshou of the famous exorcist Abe no Seimei and his successor. As much as I'd like to say that the last month had passed by quickly, I cannot tell a lie, so I will be brutally honest when I say that taking care of the girl was like trying to tame hell's flames. It was hard for everyone, but mostly me of course. After all, she would continue to pester me and Masahiro to let her look for the talisman that had been stolen from her by that demon despite the countless times we have firmly shook our heads and said no. Good god. What's so important about an old dusty talisman any way? Seimei could easily get her another one if she just told him what it was made of... But she wouldn't, so Masahiro promised to help her find the god forsaken charm. Really, the kid must be lacking some much needed gray matter if he thinks he can find something like that once it had been stolen by a middle class demon? By now it should have been given up as an offering of some sort to its master. And the fact that it's already been a month since that incident has only strengthened my hunch.

Though it wasn't always her stubborn personality that made Megumi one of the most troublesome guests I have ever been forced to look after. In fact, it was because that every time she was let out to buy groceries or run simple errands with an escort (me), she would suddenly pass out on the streets for no apparent reason. She could look perfectly fine one second –maybe a little pale in the light but still fine—before suddenly turning deathly ill the next. She could be reading a book in a shaded area before collapsing and breaking out in a cold sweat without a moment's notice. And every time that happened, I would always panic. Honest to God.

If something were to happen to her... Miyuki-chan would kill me.

It was only later in the month when we figured out that the cause of her sudden fevers was the miasma which came from ghouls and demons. Apparently, even the slightest amount of that stuff would cause the toxins in her blood to act up again; seems like it would take much longer before she could properly recover.

And to make things worse, there have been a couple break in attempts on the Abe no Seimei household; all of which were carried out by low leveled demons. And that was rather strange, for no low leveled demon in their right mind would even think of setting foot in the home of a famed exorcist who is heavily guarded by the twelve Shinshou. So why were they trying this hard now? Was it because Megumi was such a danger magnet?

I paused.

Wait... If I remember correctly... didn't Miyuki-chan say something strange –even for her— about Megumi the other day? I think it went along the lines of Megumi being a 'trouble seeker'; whatever she had meant by that I had no idea. I mean, it's not that girl's fault that she's being targeted by all those demons. But, Miyuki-chan still seems to have her doubts, even after having Rikugou watch the girl for any suspicious movements.

But lately my opinions about Megumi seemed to have changed over the past month. Who knew the girl was terrified of lightning and thunder? It was only two weeks ago when a thunderstorm had hit sending the usually calm, composed and sarcastic girl cowering into my arms. It took me a couple seconds before I could process what was going on, and when I did, I couldn't help but feel my facial expression soften as I held her close while whispering to her that everything will be fine. And as I held her slender, trembling figure in my arms, I stroked her smooth chestnut hair trying to calm her down. But she continued to fear, she continued to cry. What had caused her to have such a fright towards storms?

When it was all over there was obviously an awkward silence after that but still, at least she seemed grateful. Not only that, she let me sleep on a futon that night! Finally, I didn't have to sleep upright and wake up aching all over. And when I thought that she was done being nice, the next day she made breakfast for me at the early breaks of dawn. She even gave me a hug after I thanked her for the food. And there was one thing I had to admit. Holding her in my arms felt rather... nice.

How could I have known that the barriers which guarded my heart were slowly, but surely, crumbling to pieces, one pebble at a time?

Then_ that_ just had to happen. How could I have let my guard down to the point that I hadn't foreseen what would have happened next? I let her get to me. I let her into my world, my heart. How could I have been so stupid to have loved her? Damn my idiocy. Damn my gullibility.

It was a couple nights after the whole thunderstorm incident and Megumi and I have become noticeably close. Even Miyuki-chan felt that it was fun to comment on our growing relationship stating that there was going to be _another_ couple in the Abe no Seimei household. Thanks a lot for the awkwardness Miyuki...

But enough about her, it's time we got back to the story...

۞۞۞

**Two weeks ago...**

It was another one of those days when Megumi had been bedridden by miasma poisoning. Despite the fact that she'd been trying to reassure everyone she was fine, her body clearly stated otherwise. Her delicate frame was pale and her teeth were chattering to the point where talking required a great deal of effort. This time was definitely worse than all others, but that was mainly because she had two large claw marks that penetrated her shoulders. How did all that happen? Well, it all happened when he had insisted on searching for her talisman saying that she was completely recovered. Since Miyuki-chan was out buying medicinal supplies with Rikugou and Tenitsu, who was to say that she was lying? It's not like I'm a doctor nor did I have the slightest amount of knowledge concerning medicine. And since I was beginning to grow a soft spot for her and her demands, it didn't take much coaxing before I allowed her to leave with me as her escort.

At first everything was fine, the two of us were strolling through the city in search for her precious keepsake. Passed by a couple low leveled demons but she was fine, so I guessed that she really had recovered. But the moment we arrived at the base of Kifune Mountain to ask Takao no Kami for help, everything went from good, to horribly wrong faster than a blink of an eye. It was when I began to let my guard down as we began to enter the safe zone, everything happened so fast. I could've stopped it. I could've defended her like I was supposed to. No matter what, I wasn't supposed to do was let down my guard!

Stupid, stupid, stupid!

One second she was standing right beside me, the next she was pinned down by two large talons belonging to an ayakashi—that closely resembled a bloodthirsty lion—hovered over her. Its fork tongue ran over its teeth which glistened with poisonous acid that dripped onto the stone pavement letting out a light hissing noise. Its saw-like tail cut through the air, swishing back and forth dangerously as it readied its fangs, ready to rip Megumi's head off her shoulders.

It took a couple seconds before I was able to process the situation and when it finally got through my thick skull, I realized that my entire body had been on autopilot mode as it charged towards the monster. It was as if my mind had pushed out all the unimportant thoughts and had left only one single command; protect Megumi. In my mind, all I could see was her and the monster that was about to remove her from this world. And the thought of her dying caused such a panic in my stomach that the dizziness I felt had (somehow) sharpened my senses tenfold. Was it the fact that it was my duty that gave me such a desire to protect her? Or was it because, God forbid, I was in love with her? Right now, I wasn't sure, and right now, I didn't have the time to even think about that.

At first I felt the ayakashi's blade-like tail whip around me, cutting into my flesh as it lifted my body off the ground before smashing me into the stone ground, bruising my entire front. My lower lip had been badly cut by the rocks and damn did it sting like hell. I groaned, wincing in pain as I attempted to get to my feet, despite the razor sharp edges cutting into my skin. But before I could even do so, I felt the demon's claws dig into my shoulders causing me to cry out in agony. But at least Megumi was safe, right?

My eyes glanced over in her direction and spotted her frail figure lying in a pool of blood which flowed from her shoulders, mainly from her left shoulder. But the fact that she was groaning meant that she was alive, for now. Better get rid of this thing and get the hell out of here before anything else happens.

Letting my powers gain control of my body, I soon heard the deafening screech as the repulsive smell of burning flesh hit my nose. A soft hissing noise made its way to my ears as its blood bubbled on the inside before its burnt limps tore apart and fell to the ground in clumps of ash, dissipating moments later. Pushing the dissolving remnants off my back, I ignored the searing pain which throbbed continuously as I staggered over to the girl who was lying on her back with blood pooling out from her shoulders.

Although I was the one to open my mouth to speak, it was Megumi who spoke first, uttering the words I had intended to say.

"You okay... Shinshou? You don't look so good," she teasingly said with one of her usual mocking smiles as she gazed up at me from her position on the floor. It was a forced smile which failed at hiding her pain, but a smile nonetheless.

"Wh-what the hell? I should be the one asking you that!" Her words caused me to scoff slightly. Despite the situation, it was a rather funny question coming from someone who was obviously much worse off than me. She was pale, frail and obviously in a horrible condition, and yet she was able to joke about as if she was fine; kind of taking out the urgency of the situation.

The brunette let out another pained laugh as she then said, "Well you're the one who's bleeding all over."

"So are you," I plainly pointed out as I gently lifted her in my arms, careful not to cause her any further discomfort. In spite of the obvious pain she was in, Megumi did pretty well in hiding behind her smile. Typical idiocy. If she's in pain, she should just say so. Not keep quiet and accept things with a phony brave front... Women... They should leave that kind of stuff to us men and be feminine like they're supposed to!

"Hey... at least... I got the... talisman..." she said in a weak tone as she unclenched her fist to show the purplish orb that sat in the middle of her palm. Her smile remained and if she weren't in such a bad shape, I would have slapped her. How is it that all she can think about is that damn talisman? Didn't she know how worried I was and how worried I still am? My concern about her condition caused me to overlook the big question. How did she get _that _from _this _ayakashi when it was different from the one that had originally stolen it from her?

I would have rolled my eyes to show her that I didn't buy her mask one bit, but my concern got the better of me causing me to drop the tough act. With a voice that was threatening to break at any second I said, "Just... hang on, ok? I'll get you back and Miyuki-chan can fix you."

"It's not like I'm broken..." The stubborn girl said with a pained laugh.

I shot her a quick glance as was about to state otherwise, but decided against it. She needed all the strength she had. When I felt her grip on my arm begin to slacken and her breath begin to slow, I quickened my pace as I made my way back to the Abe no Seimei household. Throughout the journey I held her close to my chest, almost as if she was a delicate little china doll that could shatter at the slightest touch. Throughout the journey my heart pounded against my ribs over and over again as I prayed to god that she would live. Throughout the journey, there were so many thoughts that ran through my mind at one time. But one of them stood out from all the rest; something that I had finally realized after all this time.

I loved her.

Despite the situation, I was rather surprised with myself. Falling in love within a month and two weeks is a rather quick, right? '_Maybe it isn't love- Oh who am I kidding?'_ As I rounded a sharp corner, almost missing the turn in my rush, I shook my head as I thought to myself,

'_I bet Miyuki-chan will get a kick out of this...'_

۞۞۞

**

* * *

**

A/N:

Although I said that the Guren story would only be a two part, it ended up being split into three because it was too long! I thought that character development and relationships were too speedy and lacking in some aspects, so I decided to lengthen it.

After all, in the Rikugou and Seiryuu story, they already knew the OCs, but in this one the OC is quite new to Guren, so they need more time and depth. (maybe I should add a little MiyukiXRikugou and some Seiryuu too.)

But there will be a final chapter after this one. No matter how long that chapter is, I'll still keep it as one.

* * *

Thoughts? Corrections? Comments? Review! Please?

(I really like constructive criticism, or something that shows that people are actually reading)


	5. Chapter 5

[shonen] if only [onmyouji]

* * *

**Recap:** _With the arrival of the stubborn brunette named Megumi, our (occasionally) calm lives have been once again interrupted while I, Guren, protagonist of these chapters, is given the impossible task of taking care of this rambunctious 'princess'. But as our lives together continued to progress, my feelings of neutrality (which had been bordering on distaste) started to take a different route. And now, faced with the possibility of losing her forever, I've finally realized what my true feelings were. But whether I can take it or not, well, we'll just have to see._

**

* * *

**

**Two weeks ago...**

Hovering over Megumi with anxious eyes, I scanned her pale face. Her state had improved slightly from the cold sweat she had first broken into. Although Miyuki-chan had told me her condition was (somewhat) stable, I was sure that she was hiding something. Well, whatever it was, it'd had to wait till later. During the time when Tenitsu had been wrapping up the girl's wounds, Miyuki-chan had Rikugou bandage my wounds to stop the bleeding that was causing me lose consciousness. Who knew he was good at that kind of stuff? Well, that doesn't matter. For all I know is that those three are currently having a conference with Seimei and his grandson, leaving me to guard Megumi just in case of an emergency.

In the past, I wouldn't have minded being alone with Megumi. But now that I realized I might actually be in love with her, well, I felt pretty awkward just being around her.

_What am I going to do now? _

That singular thought ran through my mind as I sat beside her still form knowing that sooner or later, my true feelings would be exposed. But they quickly subsided, for now, when the sound of light coughs penetrated the stillness of the room causing me to avert my gaze to her face in time to behold the opening of the girl's eyes. When our gazes met, I felt everything grow silent, except sound of my heart thumping against my chest which seemed to be the loudest thing in the room. I tore my amber eyes from her hazelnut stare so that she would not notice the embarrassment in them or the emotions that I was beginning to feel towards her. It was as if looking away would hide my obvious affections for her; but no matter how dense she may be, sooner or later others will find out and before long, she would too.

"Guren..."

The sound of my name that escaped her lips caused me to fix my eyes on her; surprised that she called me by a name other than Shinshou or Mr. Babysitter. Maybe she had a concussion from earlier and wasn't thinking straight –or at all. Being in a fog without an idea of what one is doing can cause some very interesting things to happen. I should know. Was she delusional or something?

"I'm here." I said as I knelt by her side, once I had gotten over my initial shock.

The girl stirred to the sound of my voice before letting her eyes slowly open. As she did so, I noticed her begin to push the blanket off of her, causing a frown to cross my lips. At first I began to reach out to stop her, but I hesitated and held back. She looked so delicate so weak. I felt that if I were to even touch her, she would shatter into millions of pieces. Like a porcelain doll with translucent skin.

"Come here..." she whispered, her voice which was usually sickly sweet with sarcasm was now as coarse as sand and as weak as paper. I had to strain my ears in order to listen to her inaudible demand. "Closer... I need... to ask you... something..." she whispered, her efforts to speak seemed to be draining the strength from her very being and so, I did as I was told by leaning closer to her. My elfin ears were only inches away from her lips which slowly parted to speak.

"Where's my talisman?" she practically screamed those three words in my ear, blowing me back a couple paces before falling on my rear. She nearly blew my brains out!

"I don't have your stupid talisman!" I yelled back, much louder than she first did, after I had regained some of my equilibrium. Damn that girl, and here I was thinking that her near death experience might have changed her feelings as much as it had changed mine towards her. If she had been in a fog earlier on, she sure wasn't acting like it now. _'I guess some things will never change,'_ I thought to myself with a sigh as I lay down of the wooden floor. After all that's happened, all she thinks about is that damn talisman. I bet she didn't even think about me; not even when I was injured by that ayakashi. Well, if she doesn't think about me, she should at least think about herself once in awhile. Did she even know how close she was to dying?

My eyes were closed, letting irritation grow on my features as I gnawed on my lower lip. I was tired, I was in pain, and I was hungry. Miyuki better get back here soon with that damn talisman and some food; why did she even want to inspect the magical properties of that thing? It was just a small round purple orb that was held on a woven string. It didn't look like much and it definitely didn't seem to hold much value in terms of money. Maybe it was what women call 'sentimental' value; whatever that is.

But before I could even think any further than that, I felt a gentle touch caress face to side of my face causing my eyes to fly open and my mouth to inhale sharply. And as I did so, smooth, pink lips pressed up against mine.

* * *

The brunette sat in dimness of her room, running a long, dainty finger over the orb's smooth surface. Not too long ago had she been muttering a chant which was completely unknown to Masahiro, using words that he could not even begin to pronounce. Once she was done with the strange chant, she sat down on one of the wooden stools and frowned as if she were trying to solve an intricate puzzle.

Now she seemed to frown because she knew the answer.

"What's wrong, onee-sama?" Seimei's grandson questioned his elder sister as he entered the sanctuary of her room, breaking her silence and pulling her out of her thoughts.

Miyuki simply shook her head as she placed the talisman on her dresser. Whether it was to say that she was fine or if she was disappointed, Masahiro only found out after her words formed sentences.

"_That _ayakashi had _her_ talisman... so that means that her assault wasn't random, obviously," the brunette spoke, her eyebrows knitting together as she crossed her arms over her chest, shifting her weight. Exhaling softly, she continued to speak, "So I decided to look into the only existing connection between her and the ayakashi... The talisman." Although blind, it seemed as if Miyuki could actually see the talisman which she was so brutally glaring at. If that thing wasn't an inanimate object, it would be cringing in fear. The woman's silence easily escalated the tension that had been building up over time. What's going on now? Just get to the point already! Seriously. What is it with women and their need to make things harder for men to understand? Why God, why do you torture us so?

Obviously that wasn't what Masahiro was thinking. Being the heir of Abe no Seimei, he could not let such rude thoughts enter his mind. Instead, he patiently waited for his sister to find the right words to say. The reason why he was being so patiently? Well, let's just say that Masahiro had learnt firsthand the dramatic side of his elder sister. Little did he know that it was her time of month, but let's not get into that.

In a strained voice the brunette spoke, "It seems that, this... _thing_... is some sort of parasitical demon which feeds off the life energy of whoever touches it..."

"Then get rid of it!" Masahiro exclaimed as he tried to swat the parasite as far away from his older sister as possible. He was clearly appalled that she had actually touched that thing. The girl was already as delicate little thing whose likeness was comparable to that of a china doll. Well, she wasn't exactly little, but it is understandable that her outer appearance does show a gentle and calm side of her which could easily come off as weak.

But before Masahiro could even touch it, Miyuki was quicker as she grasped the thing and held it out of her little brother's reach. Sure it was a parasite that would slowly feed of her life force, turning her into no more than a lifeless shell, but it was her little brother she was trying to protect; her precious baby brother. She'd rather die than allow the slightest chance of his life being drastically shortened. It was the least she could do. After all, she had run away from the Abe no Seimei household for her selfish desires, thus passing on the burdens of being Seimei's heir onto Masahiro.

Being blind, Miyuki couldn't see the shock and confusion that showed on the boy's face, but she didn't need to see to sense the emotions that were present in the air. And so, the brunette shook her head as she spoke, "I have enough replaceable energy that allows me to hold onto this thing a little longer without it affecting me. So let me finish what I was going to say, my impatient baby brother." And as she spoke, she flashed a smirk in Masahiro's general direction, knowing full well that that nickname grated on his nerves just as much, or more, than the honorary title of 'Seimei's Grandson'. So, without waiting for him to protest, Miyuki placed the talisman back on the dresser and continued to speak, "This demonic talisman may feed off life energy, but for some reason, it seems to be the only other thing that's keeping Megumi-chan alive."

Masahiro raised an eyebrow, more confused now than ever. How can something that's supposed to shorten someone's life, keep them alive?

"But onee-sama, that thing's a parasite..."

"A parasite can only live with another parasite."

Miyuki's words confused the boy. What was she saying? That Megumi was a parasitical demon?

The female exorcist nodded her head, as if she had read Masahiro's thoughts. "Yes, it may seem so... And there's more." Without waiting for her brother's response, she continued to speak, "Once a demon gains possession of this, it does shorten a demon's life by a notable amount, but because a demon could easily outlive any human, it doesn't matter to them. And as the talisman steal's the demon's life force, it excretes a certain power that increases the demon's strength by tenfold. You may call it a win-win situation. But there is one minor detail that shouldn't be overlooked." Taking a deep breath, Miyuki continued her lecture, "Should the demon be separated from the talisman, their bodies will weaken an incredible amount—giving off the symptoms of miasma poisoning. And if the host doesn't find another life source within several days, they will die."

Horrified by this fact Masahiro exclaimed, "Then we have to save her!"

"Why? She's just an ayakashi."

Miyuki's voice was surprisingly cold and harsh as she folded her arms across her chest which caused Masahiro to stare at her in disbelief. Did that monotone voice really belong to his peace-loving sister? And those eyes of hers, had they ever been so cruel and bitter before? Masahiro knew that his sister wasn't fond of demons –for personal reasons which are unknown—but this was too much! Sure Miyuki was an ayakashi, but she wasn't a bad one like the others.

"_All_ ayakashi are evil, Masahiro! There are no exceptions to that fact! Not even Megumi Kurasawa! If she has that talisman again, who knows what she'll do?"

Masahiro couldn't help but flinch at the sharpness of his sister's voice. How did she know what he had been thinking? Were his emotions that transparent? Still, Abe no Seimei's grandson couldn't help but wonder how the brunette had read his thoughts so easily. Not just his, but others as well, even the Shinshou. Was it a sixth sense?

"Is something wrong, Miyuki-chan?"

These were Rikugou's words as he quickly materialized beside the princess of the Seimei household, placing a careful hand on her tensed shoulder. Even he couldn't help but wonder how this girl –who had once told him that she had met several 'good' demons many moons ago—came to hate the very existence of these creatures. What happened in those years of travel? Maybe she might share that story another time.

Heaving a sigh, the brunette visibly calmed herself down as she spoke, "Nothing, Rikugou, I'm fine." Turning her attention back to her obviously stunned little brother, she spoke, "Give me one good reason why I should help _her_."

Knowing full well that the excuse 'she's a good demon' would not sit well with Miyuki, Masahiro blurted out the first thought that popped into his head. A thought that he wasn't even sure was true. "Guren likes her!"

A look of surprise and incredulity crossed the female's face. But the expression quickly faded and once again, she regained full composure.

"Then there's no need to worry. I'm sure that she's _persuaded_ Guren to lend a bit of energy to her ..."

Confused by her words, Masahiro continued by asking how does one lend a bit of energy to another person. Although Miyuki replied with a straight face saying 'through intimacy', Masahiro's uncertainty still remained.

Glancing up at Rikugou with a look of helpless embarrassment, Miyuki said, "I mean sexual intercourse."

"Sexual... inter... course?"

Miyuki nodded, a light blush forming on her cheeks.

"What's that?" Masahiro asked out of curiousness, almost causing both Miyuki and Rikugou to choke. A part of the female wanted to strangle her father and her grandfather for not having the 'talk' with her little brother. He was about to reach the proper age to get married!

"Sexual intercourse, or in other words sex, is something you do with the person you really love," Rikugou explained as he tried to keep a stoic face, only to fail miserably for he too had a light shade of red tinting his cheeks.

"Oh. So does that mean that onee-sama and Rikugou-san have had sex?" the innocent Masahiro asked, clearly thinking that this subject was similar to asking if someone had hugged his older sister.

The two lovers immediately tensed and when Miyuki attempted to open her mouth to speak, her words were choppy and resembled that of a Mexican chipmunk attempting to speak Japanese for the first time. By then an unfamiliar heat had risen to her cheeks as she tried telling her little brother that that wasn't the type of question one should ask anyone. But Rikugou on the other hand, was not as embarrassed as his female counterpart. So, the tall, muscular male coughed into a closed fist which sounded as if he were trying to say 'five'.

Miyuki, although being blind, swung the talisman with such precision that it smacked Rikugou square in the forehead; shutting him up. Within seconds, Masahiro found himself outside his sister's bedroom with the door slammed in his confused face.

'_What did I do?'_

* * *

(Apparently, while Masahiro, Miyuki and Rikugou had been speaking, Guren and Megumi were already done with their 'intimacy'. Pretty quick, no? ^^)

Dazed. That was one way to describe how I felt as I laid on the futon with the woman I loved in my arms. Happy was another way to describe my emotions as I ran my hands through her long, chestnut brown hair, kissing her forehead, lips and neck. Although exhausted and sweaty from our actions, she was as beautiful as ever. Maybe even more now since the color had returned to her cheeks. As I took in her scent, all I felt was featherweight bliss; a feeling that I didn't want to lose, not in this lifetime.

Sadly, I knew that we had to get dressed before we were found out by the other Shinshou. After all, relationships between humans and 'gods', as some called us, weren't advisable. While humans' lives were short lived, Shinshou could live for as long as they weren't killed. In a way, they were immortal and days passed by as seconds. In fact, there was much skepticism when Rikugou and Miyuki informed everyone of their relationship. But it was not long after that when she revealed what she had done the last ten years and the prices she had paid to gain the same immortality that Rikugou had; which explained how she hadn't aged a day upon her return. Although she wouldn't reveal the secret to her longevity, maybe it was best kept as that. All I knew was, she could hear things that weren't spoken and that she could see things that no one else could despite the fact that she was blind. Sometimes I wondered if she were even human any more.

Before my thoughts could deepen any further, I felt Megumi slip out of my arms and sit up. Although disappointed, wanting to hold her for a moment longer, I merely watched as she slipped into a pure white pair of robes. I watched as she smiled at me. Her smile was a happy one but at the same time, lonely. I watched as she exited the room with the excuse that she was going to take a bath. I watched and watched without a word till she shut the door behind her. When she was gone, I simply laid my head back on the futon with a permanent smile plastered on my face; the thought of her smile being lonely hadn't entered my thoughts in the slightest.

(**A/N:** _I have asked another person on Fanfiction and they told me that if the sex isn't described but hinted, then it's fine and can remain at a T rating.)_

* * *

"Miyuki-sama told me to give this to you." As the ever so loyal Seiryuu spoke, he held out a small parcel wrapped in black velvet. He had been ordered not to open it or to accidentally touch its contents; and so, he did none of that sort without a question. It was obvious that the man had forgiven Miyuki –the woman he had once loathed and had made no effort to hide that fact—though, he wasn't going to admit that truth out loud. He had much more pride than that.

Megumi thanked the Shinshou with a kind smile as she unraveled the fabric, revealing her most prized belonging which she then tied around her neck. Once she had that in her possession, she excused herself, but Seiryuu remained in her way. Raising an eyebrow, the brunette folded her arms as if to question his actions.

Using his usual 'couldn't care less' tone, the ice user asked, "Just what do you intend to do now?"

With a smile, the girl kept her answer short and simple, "take a bath."

That wasn't what Seiryuu wanted to know, but he said nothing more and dissolved into the background.

* * *

"Grandfather, we shouldn't trust that woman! She's a demon!" Miyuki stated unhappily.

The night was dark and in an hour, it would be a new day, but what Miyuki needed to tell her grandfather couldn't wait another second. Although, she _was _rather surprised to see the old man wide awake at such an hour. Maybe it was because the Winter Solstice would begin in about two weeks and he wanted to study the constellations, or that he too sensed that something was amiss.

"Calm down Miyuki-chan, Megumi-chan is only half demon," Semei said, as if that were to explain his actions. It didn't.

In fact, the brunette was absolutely appalled by the fact that her grandfather knew all along. "You knew? And yet you let her into our home?" she exclaimed in an aggravated tone. So what if that girl was a half blood? She was still a demon and that was unacceptable! Though, why a human would want to mate with a demon was completely beyond Miyuki's knowledge.

"Really grandfather, what were you thinking-?"

"Miyuki, breathe."

Although the famed exorcist kept his tone calm and 'grandfatherly', it was enough to silence Miyuki as she followed his orders and inhaled sharply.

"Do you know who she is, Miyuki-chan?" he asked.

"Whether or not I know, I couldn't care less," Miyuki admitted as she crossed her arms over her chest.

The old man sighed. His granddaughter had been traveling all those years, gathering knowledge from different areas and countries, yet she had absolutely no idea who the Kurasawa clan was. "Well you should care. After all, those from the Kurasawa clan are related to us." Without waiting for a response, the grandfather continued to speak, "You see, many generations ago when there were so many demons about that they lived hand in hand with humans. And although marriage between the two was taboo, a woman from our ancestry married a demon, thus bringing about the Kurasawa clan."

Raising an eyebrow, Miyuki spoke, "As interesting as that is, so what?"

The old man chuckled at his granddaughter's new found impatience. No matter how old they get, they're still children at heart. "Because that woman chose to marry a demon, her descendants were cursed. And so, every generation, several children from that clan would be born with the parasitical talisman which they would have to keep with them till a certain age where they would give their life to the god who placed the curse."

"And so you're saying that girl is one of the unfortunate ones?" Miyuki asked skeptically, unsure whether or not she should feel sorry for the girl who was born to die because of some stupid curse or feel even more irritated than before; after all, her family shouldn't be concerned in such dark matters as this.

Nodding his head grimly, the old man spoke,

"Yes. And I'm sure she doesn't have much more time left."

...

_**Present...**_

It was late. Now the stars should be glimmering in the heavens, lighting up the night sky like stagnant fireflies that guarded the moon diligently. But I didn't notice them. No, to me, they were all dead; all gone. They meant nothing anymore. It would have made absolutely no difference if the world was filled with darkness, or if the world was black and white. It was no disparity to what I was living in. Hell.

The other Shinshou had left hours ago, along with Masahiro, Seimei and Miyuki. But I stayed behind, unmoving and silent.

Seimei and Miyuki... They knew that this would happen. Yet they didn't tell anyone until it was too late. But I guess, in a way it was better for everyone to have been kept in the dark. Though, a part of me still wished that I had been warned of her fate sooner. So maybe, maybe I could have made the last few days of her life the best she's ever had. Well, now it's too late. Now, she's dead.

As I had watched her so many times in the past, all I could do was gaze at the ground which was now her final resting place. Even now all I could feel was regret.

...

_**The last two weeks...**_

So, a quick recap on the last two weeks. Ever since Megumi regained her talisman, she seemed to have fully recovered from her miasma poisoning and was doing much better. In fact, she was sometimes allowed outside without someone to make sure she didn't pass out on the streets –but I would always tag along just in case. Not only that, now that Miyuki was out of bed, she was able to socialize with the others, though Miyuki tended to ignore her. When I decided to ask Miyuki-chan about her ill feelings towards Megumi, she simply replied, "You'll find out soon enough." I tried to understand why Abe no Seimei's granddaughter seemed to hate her, but failed to do so.

Nothing really exciting happened the last two weeks other than several feeble attacks by the local ayakashi. But not all were aimed at Megumi-chan or her talisman anymore which came to me as a relief.

But then, Megumi began acting strange. As in, she would seem upset at times and would even argue with Miyuki-chan the second they didn't see eye to eye. When I asked her what was wrong, she was able to shut me up without much effort.

Note to self; women are very persuasive in bed.

...

_**Earlier today...**_

It was the break of dawn, around one in the morning, when I stirred in my sleep. For some reason, something was amiss yet I had no idea what it was. I attempted to ignore the nagging sensation at the back of my head, I was unable to block out the idea and feeling that something terrible was about to occur. It was as if my nonexistent danger senses were tingling. After many minutes of inner turmoil, I knew couldn't sleep for a minute longer. So, I carefully and grudgingly sat up, trying not to disturb my lover. But that was when I noticed something. She wasn't there.

That was when panic flooded my mind and for several moments, I was completely and utterly unable to think of anything but her. Had something happened? Why wasn't she here? It's too early to be awake, and they had spent the majority of last night actively, so she should be exhausted!

Following many paced breaths of air, my chaotic mind began to calm as I tried to reason with myself. Maybe she decided to have an early morning snack –a very early morning snack—or went to the garden for some fresh air. She did say she wanted to enjoy the last rays of the sun as much as she could before the winter clouds blanketed the sky.

After my search for Megumi in the kitchen and dining room ended in futile, I finally decided to search for the brunette in the gardens only to find –much to my disappointment—Seiryuu , I would have much rather have bumped into Miyuki-chan instead.

"Seiryuu," I greeted with a nod.

"Guren," he responded, his voice lacked the usual contempt which was rather surprising.

Still, the usual silence followed quickly after the brief greetings; but this time, it was only momentary.

"The girl you're looking for left."

Pause and turn.

"What?"

"She left about ten minutes ago." As Seiryuu spoke in his regular apathetic tone, he gestured into the distance; a rather casual motion towards one of the most infamous temples in this time period that rose from the skyline.

Confused, I raised an eyebrow.

"Why?"

I watched as Seiryuu shrugged his shoulders before speaking, "She just said good bye and wanted you to forget about her."

This time, a pang of hurt shot through my body as my eyes widened in shock. Why would she leave? I thought she loved me. So why? All of a sudden...

"Because she is cursed."

The new voice cut through the tense air, adding on to the anxiety that was pumping through my bloodstream.

"W-what are you talking about?" My voice trembled as I turned my attention to Seimei's granddaughter, Miyuki, led by her ever so faithful bodyguard, Rikugou.

Her usually calm demeanor was replaced by a stern, almost cold expression as she oh-so slowly walked over to Seiryuu and I. In fact, mere seconds felt like hours before she parted her lips to speak, "Due to the mistake of her ancestor who mated with a demon, that girl has been cursed to die by the hands of the god who cursed her bloodline."

I opened my mouth to speak, but no words escaped my quivering lips.

In an irritated tone, Miyuki snapped at me, "If you love her, then stop standing there like an idiot and go! If not, then let her die!"

No need to tell me twice. Without thinking, my body lurched forward, almost involuntarily, and I dashed off as fast as my legs could carry me.

Once out of sight and ear shot, Rikugou placed a hand on his lover's shoulder, speaking in a low whisper, "you know he can't save her... so why...?"

The brunette's unyielding appearance slowly fell into a cheerless smile, "He should at least know that he did whatever he could to save her... And also, I owe her that much..."

Although confused, Rikugou kept silent.

...

Although I knew that Miyuki's tone of voice meant that it was impossible for me to save her from her fate, I still had to try. I had to do all I could even if it would have ended in futile. I had no doubts in my mind that it was because Miyuki knew of my mindset, she told me of Megumi's fate. Though, deep down I knew that my love for Megumi would end in tragedy the moment it sprouted. Still, this foolish heart of mine continued to love blindly. In a way, I was like a cat in heat; a clever creature now reduced to nothing more than a mindless blob of mush. Well, whatever. I just hoped that these legs of mine could carry me faster. That was when I nearly stopped in my tracks when I wondered why I hadn't asked Taiin for her help.

'_Bah! I feel as if the whole world's laughing at me right now...'_

When I first reached the base of the temple, I swore aloud as I stared up the hundreds of steps ahead of me. Shaking it off, I continued to run. There was no point standing about cursing when every second counted. Within minutes of nonstop frantic rushing and panicked shouts of exclamation, I finally reached the top. Sweat trickled down the side of my face as I took deep, steady breaths in order to regain some composure. Sadly, I lost it the second I blinked.

It was like a fountain. A fountain of red gushing out of a single stab wound, staining the figure who slumped to the ground with its crimson essence. I could only stand there and watched eyes wide, horrified at the messy sight.

Standing above her was a male, in his mid twenties with a slender build. Hair the color of a raven that ran down his back like silk and ocean blue eyes, filled with harsh malice. The robes he wore matched the color of his locks and were lined with the purest of silvers. His skin was pale and looked even paler in the moonshine. In his hand was a ceremonial dagger, the golden hilt was studded with precious gems while the silver blade was stained with blood; Megumi's blood. So this was the god that cursed her.

"Why?" I yelled, not really waiting for a response as I ran past him, towards the girl who lay unmoving on the ground. I didn't bother to raise a hand to him; after all, what was the point of a god fighting another god? That would be absolutely pointless and a waste of time.

The God's voice was as cold as ice and as hard as steel as he spoke, "_Because she is the accused child of that woman_..." With those words, the man shut his eyes and faded; back to the realm of the gods no doubt.

"Megumi! Open your eyes! Please live!" I begged as I held her in my arms, knowing full well that her time on this earth was now limited to mere minutes; no, seconds. I inspected her wound and wondered if there was a chance that I may be able to save her. But the moment the idea popped in to my mind, I dismissed it knowing full well that the only one could save her was Tenitsu, and if Tenitsu were to transfer the injury to herself, she may die. Suzaku would never allow that to happen and I wouldn't ask that of her anyway. She's already died once, I couldn't ask her to kill herself a second time for the sake of another.

The brunette stirred and her eyes slowly opened.

"Guren..." her voice was frail and the color was slowly leaving her face. I knew that death was slowly wrapping its fingers around her; careful not to lose her a second time. But I couldn't let her go, not yet.

My whole body trembled and I gave up trying to put up a brave front as I held the dying woman in my arms. Not much time left. There was not enough time. Time. There were few moments in my existence where I had wished that this body would be affected by it, age and one day, die. This was one of those times.

"I'm sorry... If only I had gotten here sooner... I'm sorry," I apologized over and over as the tears began to flood over the crumbling barracks that guarded my emotions. My grip on her tightened; it was a weak attempt to stop death from stealing her away from me.

Then, a gentle brush against my cheek caused my apologies to die down, allowing me to listen to the words of the woman I loved. I tenderly placed a hand on hers that she held up to my face, a rather out of character gesture on my part. In a way, I was glad she was still alive, and yet I hated the fear, the fear of knowing that she was going to die anyway. If only I had gotten there sooner. If only I had known. If only I had stopped her. If only I had saved her. The continuous guilt kept piling onto my shoulders till I felt that it was near unbearable.

"Don't blame yourself Guren... this is my punishment..."

Her voice that spoke those words was frail yet as delicate as an angel's song lifted the burdens that weighed me down, yet the fact that she was going to die re entered my thoughts. My eyes widened and the anger within my soul flared up.

"Why? You shouldn't be punished for a mistake that your ancestor made all those years ago!" I yelled, gritting my teeth, holding in the uncontrollable flames that were ready to explode from my very being.

Megumi shook her head as a weak smile crossed her face. She looked so weak, so fragile as I watched the color slowly drain from her features. "Guren, if my ancestor hadn't made that 'mistake', I wouldn't be here, with you..." Her voice trailed off as she coughed up crimson splatters causing my eyes to widen and call her name in panic. But she merely shook her head and continued to speak, "Guren, please... I'm glad that my ancestor made that choice... If she hadn't, I would have never met you or have found the happiness that I thought was out of my reach..." Her voice was slowly growing dim and raspy, but she continued on, "I am... so grateful that I had the chance to love and be loved... So don't hate yourself..." Although her body was dying, her eyes held all the love I would ever need in my existence; now, they were beginning to cloud with tears.

"I told you to forget about me... But... the thought of being forgotten scares me... so please don't forget me, but please, move on..."

"How could I?"

It almost seemed as if she hadn't heard me, her eyes held a faraway gaze as she carried on, "We're different beings... I'll never see you again, not even in the next life... but still... I love you..."

Hearing her words, I felt relief and sadness wash over me. So she really did love me after all. That was a relief, but the sadness, the heart wrenching sadness I felt was because I knew she was right. I would never see her again. Ever.

"Good bye, Guren..."

No, no, no! Don't! please! Megumi!

"I love you..."

Her hand that she had placed on the side of my face fell limp and I continued to hold her in my arms. Her body felt like ice and I knew immediately that she was gone. I was never going to see her again and that thought alone was enough to set ablaze the flames of hell. I couldn't hold back anymore, and truthfully I didn't care about this particular god's shrine. It was almost immediately, the ground caught on fire around us and yet it didn't touch me or Megumi's body. Instead, it spread in an outward fashion, setting alight the trees, burning down that accursed god's shrine along with whatever was within a hundred meter radius.

I could no longer control my body or its actions. I could no longer restart the logical side of my brain. I could no longer hear the screams of the priests as they attempted to tame the flames or the sounds of the other Shinshou calling out to me. I could not hear the deafening snaps of wood as the shrine of that God burn to cinder –he won't be returning to this earth in a while. I could no longer see the destruction I was creating all around me. Though I did feel a jolt of electricity course through my body the moment a staff collided to the back of my head; knocking the senses out of my system. Was it Rikugou? Most probably.

Then, everything faded to black.

* * *

_**Present day...**_

Even though I had known that our life spans were completely different, even though I had braced myself for this day, my heart would stop every time the thought of losing her forever would arouse. I guess it was because had never expected her to be taken by some wretched curse that had been passed down the generations? How in the world could I have possibly seen that coming?

Tilting my head skyward, I watched as the stormy gray clouds continued to linger over head. Winter was coming soon, a time which Megumi had said was used to "spend time with loved ones". My eyes stung as I continued to bite back the tears, only to fail miserably. I had wanted to spend that time with her, sadly that was no longer possible. So, I let the cold beads of water cascade down my cheeks while blood seeped out from my clenched fists. It took everything I had to stop myself from falling to my knees and weep. Crying was a sign of weakness, even I knew that. But crying was also a sign that I had loved her. So, the tears kept falling.

* * *

**A/N:** I'm so sorry for the suckish ending! It's too **cheesy**! . It was really rushed and I hope no one feels offended if they find the characters OOC and rather unbelievable. Please review your thoughts! . So please help me correct my mistakes. .

There'll be a final chapter which is kind of a wrap up where the characters used in the last five chapters will all take turns playing in the final scene. Please look forward to it. .


End file.
